Dog Park Conversations – from a Dog’s Point of View

Overheard at a local dog park – conversations from a dog’s point of view!

“I play this game when she turns Animal Planet on for me while she’s at work–it’s called ‘Would I eat it or would it eat me?’”

“Well, I guess I just never really thought about it until I finally came running back one time and my owner yelled at me, ‘What the hell do you think you’re going to do with that car if you catch it anyway?!’”

“Yeah, I know–they’re not real bones. But trust me–just keep chewing on it. It gets softer, then you can bite it off and eat it.”

“Anyone else have a no begging policy? I mean, here you have all these aromas in the kitchen and they know that our sense of smell is, like, 25 times stronger than theirs. And they expect us to ignore that? C’mon! I’ll tell you what I wish I could ignore–when they pass gas–that’s what I wish I could ignore! Which reminds me, I had a buddy once who had a female owner who had just started dating a guy and she used to blame my buddy when she’d pass gas! Unbelievable…”

“Who does that Chihuahua think he’s scaring with all that yapping?”

“Oh yeah?? Well, let Bob Barker get neutered and see how well he likes it!!”

“I hate when they do the ‘That’s a-hundred-and-five in dog years’ thing. Like I want to be reminded of my mortality through a punch line. I just hope that the tortoises make fun of them for living only seventy or eighty years…”

“Ya, me neither–I just don’t see what’s so great about Great Danes…unless they‘re talking about those piles that they leave on the ground!”

“Why does she insist on buying all that dog food when she knows the only ones I like are the little red ones and the dark-brown ones?!”

“Girl, don’t tell me they went and named you ‘Fifi.’ That’s so 1960s! Shoot, my great, great, great, great grandmother was named ‘Fifi.’”

“That’s right, my owner actually scolds me when I lick myself. She’s seeing three different guys and having sex with all of them and she scolds me for something like that?! I ask you–is that hypocrisy or what?!!”

“I don’t see how those poodles can stand it–getting shaved, I mean. I’ll take shedding any day…”

“What’s up, Spike? Sorry to hear about your cropping, dude. Hey…um…how am I supposed to know when you’re happy now?”

“So I was wishing I could tell him, ‘Before you hit me with that newspaper, remember what ‘dog’ spelled backward is…”

“That’s right, genius. When I’m wheezing just standing here, that means the collar’s too tight!”

“Oh sure, mine picks up my poop after me, too. Don’t they all? I mean, we all know who’s really in charge…”

“Yep, makes me wish I had my papers, too. Heard about this Schnauzer that took Best in Show last week–nothing but stud work for the rest of his life. Now, that’s what I‘m talkin’ about!!”

“…So she gives me this table scrap and starts screaming at me, ‘Chew it, don’t just gulp it down!’ And I’m thinkin’, ‘Hey, it’s a survival instinct, lady. I can’t help it. Just like you with shopping. Same deal…’”

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